Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Yep, he's Laotian

From a meeting with a potential wedding officiant:

"Do you have any special family traditions? Heritage we need to honor? Mark, um, what are you?"

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Recessionista bride: Bring on the fries!

Apparently faux junk food is oh-so-trendy for brides planning during our current economic climate.

From a New York Times article today:
“No one wants to be vulgar,” said Susan Holland, a party planner who has arranged weddings in Los Angeles. “No one wants the perception of abundance. A lot of people, their friends don’t have what they used to and they don’t want it thrown in their faces.”

Enter the french fry cones. And the gourmet Hostess cupcakes. And, a selection from my preferred caterer: amuse bouche sliders. Yum.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

10 Worst Father / Daughter Dance Songs

Jezebel.com recently ran an article on the Top 10 Worst Wedding Songs which inspired me to take it a twisted step further: Top 10 Worst Father / Daughter Dance songs.

1. "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" Maurice Chevalier

The particularly pervy version that comes immediately to mind is from My Father the Hero. GĂ©rard Depardieu and Katherine Heigl before she was famous-- check it out. The premise is unsettling.

2. "Love In An Elevator" Aerosmith
I know, this one is out of left field, but Mark always brings this up as a suggestion. I guess it's the most inappropriate song he can think of.

3. "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon" Neil Diamond

4. "Like A Virgin" Madonna

These songs come in handy for very young brides that haven't had "the talk" yet.

5. "Brown Eyed Girl" Van Morrrison

6. "Tiny Dancer" Elton John

Two sing-along favorites.... about whorin'.

7. "Sexual Healing" Marvin Gaye

Ew. Gross.

8. "Landslide" Fleetwood Mac

This seems to be a favorite song choice on wedding sites, but has anyone actually looked at the lyrics?

Well, Ive been afraid of changing

cause Ive built my life around you

Yes, Daddy, it's all about you.

9. "Butterfly Kisses" Bob Carlisle

Another cringe-worthy favorite for those who don't understand metaphors. I believe the song actually uses the term "Father / Daughter Dance" in the lyrics.

10. "Don't Call Me Daughter" Pearl Jam

The title is pretty self-explanatory.

Note: For those of you looking looking to keep the vomit to a minimum, Offbeatbride.com has put together a great compilation of
non-sappy father / daughter dance songs.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Herding cats: Adventures in wedding planning

I am by no means a bridezilla. I'm not that picky about the details. I don't care about napkin colors or flower arrangements. I don't need things to be perfect. SO WHY AM I SO STRESSED?

I've been contemplating this over the past few weeks as I've endured nightmares about venue chairs and non-veggie empanadas and I've decided it comes down to one thing: Wedding vendors are like god damn, crazy cats!

I need a wedding vendor that's like a dog- happy to see me, fetches me what I want, obeys my every command. Instead I'm dealing with vendors that do what they want, when they want, with no regard to me or my schedule. I want a full vegetarian menu? Too bad, I'm getting some dead birds and I better like it. Need a quote by the end of the week? Well, they'll get around to it. I feel like I'm trying to lure Black Mamba (my cat) out from under the bed: "Please, please, caterer. If you just give me a quote I'll give you a treat." I just wish I knew the wedding vendor equivalent of "getting the broom."

It takes a whole laundry list of people to put together a wedding- even a small wedding. You've got the venue coordinator, caterers, photographers, florists, a minister, dj, dressmaker, butcher, baker, and candlestick maker. And from my experience so far, every single one is completely unpredictable. I'm going to end up like these guys trying to wrangle everyone together. I better find my cowboy boots and lasso.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Tastes like chicken: Wedding hulk out #1

At a recent tasting, the caterer fed us chicken. Mark and I are both vegetarian and had told them so several times. Whoopsy.