Sunday, June 7, 2009

Herding cats: Adventures in wedding planning

I am by no means a bridezilla. I'm not that picky about the details. I don't care about napkin colors or flower arrangements. I don't need things to be perfect. SO WHY AM I SO STRESSED?

I've been contemplating this over the past few weeks as I've endured nightmares about venue chairs and non-veggie empanadas and I've decided it comes down to one thing: Wedding vendors are like god damn, crazy cats!

I need a wedding vendor that's like a dog- happy to see me, fetches me what I want, obeys my every command. Instead I'm dealing with vendors that do what they want, when they want, with no regard to me or my schedule. I want a full vegetarian menu? Too bad, I'm getting some dead birds and I better like it. Need a quote by the end of the week? Well, they'll get around to it. I feel like I'm trying to lure Black Mamba (my cat) out from under the bed: "Please, please, caterer. If you just give me a quote I'll give you a treat." I just wish I knew the wedding vendor equivalent of "getting the broom."

It takes a whole laundry list of people to put together a wedding- even a small wedding. You've got the venue coordinator, caterers, photographers, florists, a minister, dj, dressmaker, butcher, baker, and candlestick maker. And from my experience so far, every single one is completely unpredictable. I'm going to end up like these guys trying to wrangle everyone together. I better find my cowboy boots and lasso.


  1. My complements to Mark for the masterful photo-shopping of that cat photograph.

  2. Congratulations on your engagement. It sounds like your vendors are giving you a hard time. They should be there to serve you, the customer. If you need a wedding planner, call me. I am the owner & consultant for Ever After Events in Gatlinburg, Tn.

  3. I like to keep a nice 1990's sort of look to my photoshop, back when jagged edges were all the rage.

  4. I'm concerned that you aren't sufficiently stoked/crazed. A really committed insane bride would have daily posts about wedding foolishness. This process should be miserable and all-consuming. Get with it. This is you Big Day. Ever since I was a little girl I've been waiting for the day when a girl from Texas I had not yet met, with the aid of a planning professional from Gatlinburg, Tennessee, would have a fairy tale wedding. With an open bar.